Okay, good citizens. Here again is the episode The Pleasure Vault. If you read it the first time The Author posted it, sorry to repeat it again, but now at least the episodes are in the proper order. And if you haven't read it yet, enjoy!
While Spaced Girl Hero is at the Liffey trying to obliterate the images burned into her mind from the previous episode with pint after pint of Guinness and Clever Girl Assassin is stranded with the penguin formerly known as Slim Shady, cursing Spaced Girl for stealing her batteries, we move to the Fortress of Sanity……
Alone once again, Benny sits next to a brimming ashtray, rolling a bifter, drinking a Johnny-jump-up and bemoaning his lack of companionship.
“Well don’t I feel nifty! I’m really tired of sitting here pulling me plum like a muppet. Even when I’m off me face it still hurts. Just because I’m a Rabbit doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings.” He sniffles. Not one to sit around cnawvshawling for long, he decides to look on the bright side. “Well Benny, that’s enough blather! Forget those Lady Mucks; I’m off to the Liffey!”
Knowing that one of the Super Chicks will be gummin’ for a pint and hit the Liffey for bevvies sooner or later, Benny figures he may as well just head there and wait.
Meanwhile, at the Liffey.....
(Irish Rock plays)
"For there are many ways to kill a man they say with bayonet ax and sword...."
Spaced Girl Hero sits at a special VIP table in front of the stage where The Wild Colonial Bhoys are crooning to their favorite Super Chick when she senses a disturbance in the Force.
"Fucking 'ell!" She cries, leaping from her stool. "Clever Girl Assassin is in dire need of batteries! I must save her! To the Vault!"
Yet again our stuperhero streaks through the blackened sky, nothing more than a blur in the moonlight. She reaches the Fortress of Sanity quickly and runs towards her sexroom, I mean bedroom. As she walks by the bed she sees the now limp Travis and pauses to touch him fondly with tears in her eyes.
“Soon my lust, soon.” She murmurs. “But first, it is up to me to ensure that Clever Girl's new toy is restored to his lusty muff puff self before it is too late!”
Moving towards her closet (which is the size of this Author’s apartment thank you very much!) she casts a furtive glance around the room with her eyes of night. Satisfied that no one is there to witness her access the Vault she turns back to the closet. Opening the door she walks in past the rows and rows of shoes and into the aisles of clothing hanging neatly in color coded sections. With one more nervous look around she pushes aside some of the clothes revealing what appears to be nothing more than an ordinary wall. With a whispered command in code the virtual wall vanishes, revealing a steel door with a large combination lock on it. Quickly she dials the secret code, one she will NEVER reveal to anyone not even Clever Girl, and the door slides open.
Spaced steps onto the marble floor of her Pleasure Vault, her heels echoing in the silence, and stands with pride in the middle of the Vault, admiring her extensive collection of toys and stockpile of batteries in every size.
Vibrators and sex toys of every imaginable kind line three of the thirty foot high marble walls. The fourth wall houses the batteries that are protected by state of the art security devices stolen from the armies of every country in the world. Lasers, trip wires, alarms, and vials of mustard seed protect her precious stash of batteries and woe be to anyone whose feet tread on this hallowed ground. Disabling the security device she pauses momentarily, trying to recall what size batteries the Disguisamator requires.
Selecting four of the especially coveted AA’s (for her Jackrabbit) she quickly rearms the security devices and reprograms the door of the vault.
As she heads for the front door to save her stuper crime fighting partner's new toy from life as a penguin she briefly wonders where Benny could be.
“Don’t worry Clever Girl, I’m CUMMMING for you!” She cries into the darkness as she takes flight once again.
Within a few short minutes Spaced flies into L.A. Coming over the top of a mountain the bright lights of the City of Angels dance before our stuperhero and she feverishly tries to resist the lure of their twinkling brilliance.
"Must not look. Must find Clever Girl. Must save Marshall..." Despite her best efforts Spaced is captivated by the bright shiny lights and begins to veer off course.
Crash! Pow! Ka-Bam!
Spaced slams smack dab into the Hollywood sign and falls to the ground!
Will Spaced regain consciousness or will poor Slim Shady be doomed to spend the rest of his life as a penguin? Please won't somebody wake her?
Note from the Author...
The Author would like to sincerely apologize as she posted the wrong episode last time. The Pleasure Vault was supposed to come after the continutation of Clever Girl's New Toy. She apparently smoked quite the bifter before posting the last episode and her mind was a bit fuzzy.
So, without further ado, here is the continutation of Clever Girl's New Toy to be followed by The Pleasure Vault so that the episodes will be in the proper order.
We last left Clever Girl plunging from the heavens after the horrible realization that chickens can't actually fly....
Falling rapidly Clever Girl sends out a desperate call to her over sexed partner in stuper crime fighting.
"Spaced Girl, I NEED YOU!!!"
Landing with a crunch she's able to regain her feet and drag Marshall behind his tralier. she knows her only hope is to find the Disguisamator. Luckily it isn't too far from where she landed.
Concentrating, she remembers... her once firm buttocks, her slender waist, her luscious breasts.
She is once again the second sexiest stuperhero to ever walk the earth!
"Wait just one damn minute!"
Clever Girl rudely interrupts the flow of the story to glare at the Author.
"Hey, don't yell at me, Spaced Girl slipped me a bill to say that. If you have a better offer, we can negotiate."
Cursing under her breath, Clever Girl pulls two bills out of her Gadgo-Bra and hands them to the Author.
Taking the bills, the Author slips them into her thigh high Prada's and rewrites that last bit....
....World's sexiest stuperhero to boot!
"That's better.!" Clever Girl remarks.
Grabbing her new and ever so pasty boy toy Clever Girl is finally able to take to the sky properly.
Speeding towards the Fortress of Sanity and ULTIMATE PLEASURE Clever Girl now knows nothing can stand in her way.
The Disguisamator spontaneously fires and Marshall Mathers is now an enormous pink elephant.
Plummeting from the sky Clever Girl struggles to maintain her grip on her now ever so pink elephant lover and the Disguisamator....
When suddenly another loud CRACK and Marshall is now the 3 foot bunny vibrator Clever Girl fondly knows as Benny.
"How 'bout a nice shorty and a bifter, eh Clever Girl?" He croons.
Reversing her downward trajectory Clever Girl is once again able to gain altitude and while struggling to recalibrate the Disguisamator it again CRACKS loudly and Marshall's apperance changes one again...
This time he's a sleek black penguin. Slipping between her well manicured hands he falls rapidly to his death.
"No!!!!!" Clever Girl screams, diving madly towards her lusty penguin boy.
"Buster, oh Buster!" Marshall screeches, trying desperately to cover his eyes with his wings.
Finally catching up to him Clever Girl shakes the penguin formerly known as Slim Shady and yells, "Snap out of it! Think damn you! Think of the man you once were!!"
"Oh Buster!" He cries out.
Clever Girl cuffs him upside the head. "Snap out of it! You self indulgent pity monger!"
Searching desperately for her extra batteries she realizes the only solution is to make a manual adjustment....
"Mmmmmm manual adjustment..."
But where are the batteries???? Clever Girl always carries extras...She's just clever like that.
"Damn Spaced Girl and her ever debilitating battery addiction!!!"
Oh, great Goddess, what is our poor stuperhero to do? Will Spaced respond to Clever Girl's ever so desperate call for help and bring her batteries in just the nick of time? Or will Marshall forever be trapped in the body of a penguin resembling his favorite stuffy Buster? Tune in next time Good Citizens for the continuation of this spine tingling adventure!
While Spaced Girl Hero is at the Liffey, vainly attempting to blot from her mind the images of Dick Cheney and George W. Bush dressed as characters for the Rocky Horror Picture Show Clever Girl is preparing herself for different prey.
Having heard that Eminem, AKA Slim Shady, AKA Marshall Mathers, is in LA shooting a new video, Clever Girl has decided that she needs a new toy.
But how to get to him?
It is a conundrum and our luscious stuperhero sits sipping a Mimosa and twirling her long red tresses around one finger trying to solve it.
"I've got it!" She exclaims, running for her Closet 'O Gadgets. Digging around among her many creations Clever Girl triumphantly pulls out the Disguisamator.
Flying furiously towards LA, with her Disguisamator concealed in her Gadgo-Bra, Clever Girl ponders which disguise to use.
Ah-ha!!!! The perfect disguise to give her unrestricted access to the little muff puff of her dreams..... Ms. Bextrom, his 9th grade teacher, a terrible and gruesome figure that to this day reaches out to him from the long dark hallways of his memory, constantly reminding him of the three years he spent trying to pass the 9th grade.
Now, our stuperhero only has to concentrate to conjure the image of the wicked and wretched woman to activate the Disguisamator.
Concentrating hard she imagines the blue hair, the sharp pointed teeth, the flaking paper thin skin that threatens to fall off at any moment, the hand knitted shawl that smells terribly of mothballs and vermouth.
Yes!!! This day would be hers!!!
Clever Girl is now a.....5'5" orange and yellow chicken.
"What the hell?!?!" She screams to an unjust world....
If only she hadn't craved that crispy country fried chicken...damn that last bifter and the incessant cravings!
Landing just behind his trailer she pecks at the ground wondering....where is the seed corn....
"No! I must concentrate!" The Disguisamator....She realizes suddenly, or as suddenly as a walnut brained chicken can, she must turn herself back and start again... but where is it? Searching her feathers she realizes that it is gone.
Not wanting to delay and lose her chance at the sweet little boy and remembering the vat of calamine lotion she has waiting for him back at the Fortress of Sanity she plunges forward.
Rapping on the door to the trailer the Chicken formerly known as Clever Girl bellows, "KFC!"
"Oooh!" With a girlish squeal Marshall flings open the door and motions Clever Girl to come in. "My favorite!"
As he digs through his wallet to pay the supposed delivery chicken Clever Girl sizes up her prey. He's a bit scrawny so she doesn't expect him to put up much of a fight. She is not proven wrong.
Pushing him back out into the road and tucking him gingerly under wing..she leaps towards the sky.....
"Damn, chickens can't flyyyyyyyyyy!" Clever Girl vaguely remembers.
How is our luscious stuperhero to get out of this conundrum? Tune in next time, Good Citizens for the continuation of this tale.....
Clever Girl Assassin has finally tired of the Travis-bot and has moved on to prepare for different prey--to be detailed in the next episode.
But for now.....
Spaced Girl Hero straddles the Travis Bot, riding him furiously into the sunset....
"Travis, Ohhhhhhhhhhh Travis yes...."
"Spaced Girl.... Ohhhhhhh..... Oooohhhh Yes! Yes! Yes!" Then, much to Spaced Girl’s horror, her worst nightmare comes true and with one last moan the boy toy goes limp.
"Travis! No Travis! Walk away from the light!" Spaced cries with a mournful sob. The Travis Bot has been drained of his essence from days and days and days of carnal lust. She collapses on top of him, heartbroken, frantically searching her mind for a solution to this dilemma.
“Batteries!” She exclaims. “He runs on batteries, I just need to recharge him!" Excited at the thought of having her boy toy freshly lubed AND recharged she jumps off him and opens up the tiny control panel in his left buttock.
On the battery there is a sticker that reads: "In case my plan is foiled this Boy-droid will only have 72 hours of power. Once the power is drained you must recharge him, and I am the only one with the ability to do so. HA! Even when you think you have won, still I triumph!"
A rageful scream erupts from Spaced as she realizes that Happy Happy Fun Time is now over. Glass shatters in every window for miles as her scream reverberates through the air.
(The sound of inspiration striking our stuperhero)
"Eureka!" She cries, having found a solution! "I know what it is that I must do! To the Penthouse of Objectification!"
Taking flight she streaks through the air with a sonic boom in search of a way to recharge her favorite stuper luscious toy.
Sailing high above the darkened city streets, Spaced Girl Hero plans all the ways in which she will torture Howie in order to force him to recharge her beloved toy. Suddenly, she is distracted by bright flashing lights below.
SPECIAL VIEWING, ONE NIGHT ONLY! The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Though she loved the movie-something about Tim Curry in a garter belt with those big red lips really did something for her but, alas, we love her anyway-she had never seen it at the theatre.
Well, she thinks to herself, I could probably use a bit to calm down. I wouldn’t want to go all Van Helsing on poor Howie before he reveals how to recharge Travis.
Having made up her mind she swoops down into the crowd of crazed fans, wishing she had some toast. For once her black leather stuperhero outfit and whip do not attract her much attention, what with all these men dressed as Dr. Frank-N-Furter and all. As she walks into the theatre, one of them strides past her pulling along a man on a leash dressed as Rocky. They are old, way too old to be wearing such little clothing, and their sagging flesh is quite disturbing to behold. They seem familiar to Spaced but before she can figure out why they lost in the throng of people flocking in to see their favorite cult classic for like the 300th time.
Settling into a seat in the back of the theatre she is soon lost in the music.
(Dr. Frank-N-Furter singing)
“I’m just a sweet transvestite…from Transexual, Transylvania. Hit it! Hit it!”
Watching Tim Curry glide across the screen, gyrating, thrusting, and slapping himself on the ass, Spaced Girl Hero is enthralled. This was her absolute favorite part!
Suddenly, a man jumps onto the stage in front of the screen, pulling his ‘pet’ Rocky on a leash. It’s those men she had seen earlier, and they are blocking her view damn it!
About to shoot onto the stage and go all Commando on their asses she recognizes one of the men. The one dressed as Dr. Frank-N-Furter. Her jaw drops open with shock and for the first time in recorded history our stuperhero is speechless! Quickly her eyes dart to the man on the leash and she recognizes him instantly.
She is frozen for several minutes from the trauma of the sight before her and is quite sure she will be scarred for life. Never again will she be able to watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show without seeing Vice President Dick Cheney in heels, a garter belt, black bodice and pearls strutting across the stage pulling President George W. Bush on a leash!!
Fleeing the theatre, desperately trying to shake the horrific image from her mind, her long black hair trails behind her as she heads for the Liffey. After seeing that, she needed a pint! Or Twelve! Once she was sufficiently knackered, she would pay a visit to Howie and see about pumping life back into her Travis…
Benny shouts at no one… as he is alone… hurt… wounded… and all alone.
:A silent tear falls from the authors red and swollen eyes:
After his harrowing brush with death Benny is in a tit. Using his (not overly advertised) stupersonic vibe-mode he is able to move the gigantic safe off his bruised and battered silicone form.
Freeing himself from one desperate situation he is now facing an equally frightening position. Lying sprawled on the ground – out in the open, wounded – he makes the perfect target for the menacing and potentially cooked cockatoo.
“Oy, I was jus blaggardin’ ya!” He hollers to Captain Jack, spinning his head to look in every possible direction. “Twasn’t serious, jus’ a ri-ra. Ya ‘ear me ye brasser?” He adds the last bit under his breath hoping against all odds Captain Jack has had his fun and is now in a more forgiving mood.
Unbeknownst to Benny, after having a good roll over his ingenious plan, Captain Jack took his trophy up to his favorite spot in the Fortress to get a little bent himself.
Having been pulled away from their lucsious fantasy fulfilling, the Girls (hot boy-droid in tow) burst into the garage to spy an almost comatose Benny sprawled awkwardly on the floor of the garage.
“Oh Benny!” Clever Girl rushes to his side… “Are you going to be okay?” Stroking his ears gently she can’t help but notice that in her absence Spaced Girl now has sole possession of the Travis-Bot.
“Help me whore!” She hollers to her stuperhorny cohort.
“Can’t you manage? I mean really he’s like five pounds.” Spaced shoots back annoyed at the distraction as she is trying to play a round of pocket pool.
“I’d say his lid weighs that much by itself! Bitch.” Then continuing with a little less estrogen in her voice Clever Girl, throwing her glorious red curls back out of her face and tilting her head in that totally innocent playful way, says “Anyhoo… Benny needs you.”
“Ahhh Benny…” Spaced Girl rushes in, her nurturing nature finally overriding her libidinous nature.
Clever Girl scoops the frail and fragile Benny in her arms as Spaced grabs for his man-bag with all of his treasures tucked inside and follows them to Benny’s Room.
Propped up on pillows, a Guinness in hand, and hopped up on the Author’s secret stash of Vicodin, Benny it seems, is on the mend.
Usually grateful to have an excuse to get bolloxed on the Black Stuff, Benny is a bit beside himself as he can’t seem to get a grip on the recent turn of events. Looking up to his would-be caretakers Benny realizes they are over him. Figuring that Benny will heal better if left alone the Girls link arms with their droid and escort him swiftly to the Garden room, Spaced grabbing a length of rope on the way.
Usually the fact that Benny hadn’t touched his Arthurs would have sent the Girls into a state of shock followed closely by a few rounds of asking if he’d be okay, if he’s worse off than they had thought, if Spaced should CAST A SPELL or perhaps Clever Girl should fetch her TOOL BOX.
“Naw,” he thinks, “tis better they leave me be.” But deep down… secretly… Benny is bitter and angry that they hadn’t noticed. In fact Benny is getting quite peeved at the notion that the Boy-Droid would be stealing all his attention from now on. So pissed in fact, he has to swallow his venom with a big swig of Guinness.
"Besides, Travis may be the Puppies Privates, but he don't vibrate!" Benny exclaims with a loud Bzzzzzzzzz and a flick of his pearls.