Stuperheroes

While Clever Girl Assassin bounces on her bed with wanton anticipation, Spaced Girl Hero meanders up onto the roof to contemplate the meaning of life...and Travis Fimmel’s thighs…


"Life's a bitch and then you die so fuck the world and let's get high." She mumbles to herself as she daydreams about frolicking naked on the beach with the stuper-luscious Travis.


Obviously he sent that invitation on my account, she thinks to herself. I mean, it’s not like he couldn't have bought that Ferrari on his own after all those Calvin Klein ads.

“Mmmmmmm….Travis… in underwear…on a billboard… fifty feet tall…nummy…” She moans, tipping her head back and drooling a bit, kinda like Homer Simpson with a donut. Coming back to herself, she resumes her mental wanderings.


Clearly he is mesmerized by my eyes of night and untamed sensuality. Poor Clever Girl, she'll be so disappointed; but alas, such is life.


(Upbeat Stuperhero music plays)

Meanwhile, at the Penthouse of Objectification...


"He is magnificent Agent Stroker. So real...so hard..." Howard remarks as he runs his finger over the warm, oh-so-life-like, tanned, supple flesh of the Travis Boy-droid's muscular chest. "He is perfect. A masterpiece." His finger continues down to the Boy-droid's stomach, stopping just before touching his sizeable manhood.


Howard sighs as he walks to his heart shaped bed and settles onto the pink satin sheets, glancing at his reflection staring down from the ceiling above. He beckons to the skanky blond slave standing in the corner, waiting to fulfill his every twisted desire. The blond approaches the bed, putting a leather dog collar around Howard's neck and attaching a leash. Commanding Master Stern to drop to all fours the slave then proceeds to pour pickle juice all over his pasty, gnarly body. Picking up a large dill pickle the slave begins to smack him with it.


SLAP, SLAP, SLAP

The rhythmic, nauseating sound of the pickle hitting his pale, pimpled ass echoes through the penthouse.


"But are we sure that they will be fooled by the Boy-droid?" Agent Stroker inquires.


"They won't stop long enough to consider otherwise." Howard assures him. "No man-I mean woman, can resist Travis Fimmel. No, they will be under our control by the stroke of midnight, as long as you don't muck it all up. The Spatula of Discipline is ready for them." He gestures towards a glass case containing a large pink rubber spatula. "Be sure everything else is ready for the expo. Alert me when they have arrived."


"Slave, where is my prosthesis?"


Will Spaced and Clever Girl be duped by the Boy-droid? Will they kill each other in their rush to be the first to ravish him, making Howard's plans irrelevant? Tune in later for the next the exciting episode of The Secret Weapon.

After closing the Liffey (yet again) our stuperheroes find themselves re-cooping in their renovated fire station, aptly titled The Fortress of Sanity. Unlike the cavernous Penthouse of Objectification, The Fortress of Sanity is a lush paradise playground.


Lounging on a plush pink chaise, in her strawberry shortcake jammies, Clever Girl sips ever so contently on a mimosa. Spaced Girl, having just dumped half a gallon of bubble bath into the hot tub, is now almost completely submerged in bubbles.


"What the fuck Spaced? You trying to hide Benny in there or what?" Clever Girl asks with exasperation, snickering to herself.


"Fuckin' 'ell, you two are a riot. You know I can't be completely submerged." Benny replies as he hops into the room.


"Girl, you know I wanna look good for the Travis Fimmel expo tonight." Spaced says as she whips a leg up on the side of the hot tub spilling copious amounts of bubbles onto the already saturated floor.


"Goddess, I need a pedicure. I have just let myself go... being stuck on that out cropping so long." She remarks as the sarcasm drips from her words like the soapy bubbles drip from her naked body. As she emerges from the hot tub she wraps herself into a black silky robe.


"For fuck’s sake, don't tell me you are actually going to go." Benny comments through the thick smoke encircling his bulbous head.


"I for one think we deserve a night off, especially if there's some eye candy involved and Travis Fimmel is as good as it gets." Clever Girl pulls off a fuzzy slipper to admire her own hot pink pedicure. "You know I've been his number one fan for like EVER! It's about damn time I get some recognition for all that fan mail."



Benny gives a twist of his pearls…


"ZzzzzzzzzzziiiiPPPPPP"

…then quips, "Who’d a thunk a Ferrari 360 could be classified as fan mail."


"Don't forget the leather chaps you crammed in the glove box." Spaced says settling in with a Kalua and coffee.



"Ohhhhh YES!" Clever Girl exclaims as she runs her hands up and down her body, "just thinking of him in his chaps.... eeeeeeehhhhhh…" She squeals, running from the room to return moments later with a pair of pink fuzzy handcuffs. "I can't wait." She says bouncing up and down with anticipation, her breasts bouncing right along with her.

As Spaced is spanking Agent Dick Stroker with her Cat O Nine Tails, Clever Girl Assassin chases a vile Man-boy who is attempting to escape....



Grabbing the man-boy just as he reaches the door Clever Girl Assassin yanks him back inside, pulling him close to her breasts.


“So pathetic, so, so sad and pathetic,” she purrs into his ear as she presses his head into her heaving bosom slowly suffocating him. Fainting from lack of O2…


“What!” Clever Girl looks annoyingly to the Author…

Who at this moment is hovering inches above the stuperfriends table trying desperately to avoid the groping ears of an overly pickled and smoked Benny.


“It’s not lack of oxygen that got him! It’s the snoozafier…. here, see…” She says leaning forward revealing a tiny spray nozzle peaking out between her supple... “It’s hooked into my Gadgo-Bra… Cool huh?” Chirps Clever Girl. Not really caring to hear the answer she leaves the man-boy lying in a clump near the door and returns to the table where Spaced is once again arguing with Benny over the price of grass in Amsterdam.


“What happened to Agent Stroker?” Clever Girl asks, glancing around the pub.


Startled, Spaced looks up. “Shit, I don’t know, last thing I remember was Benny rolling this nice fat bifter…”


“You’re hopeless woman!” Clever Girl sits down to a fresh pint of Guinness, not too worried about the bumbling Agent Stroker’s escape, there are more important matters that needed attending to.


"You just can't stand to see anyone else take center stage can you? I have to admit that it was your narcissistic ass that made me like you in the first place." Clever Girl remarks grudgingly.


"Bitch you need to learn to share, just like Angelina Jolie should share." Spaced says with just a slight degree of sarcasm. "I tell you what, you stop whining over missing that shoe sale last year and I'll let you have a minute or two on center stage all by yourself, deal?"


"Well, all I know is, there’s a shoe sale tomorrow and I don't care if Bush does send this country to hell before then, I'm not missing it." Once again Clever Girl is completely sidetracked at the mention of shoes.


Slowly sipping foam from the head of the tall dark one she thinks long and hard... what to wear with that Gucci bag?


MEANWHILE, IN HOWARD STERN'S LAIR...


(Cheesy 70's porn music plays in background)

A panting and disheveled Agent Stroker stumbles into Howard Stern's Penthouse of Objectification. Master Stern is bent over a chair where he is being spanked by a skanky blond wielding a large sausage.


"I assume Agent Stroker that your mission failed." Howard remarks with disgust as the skanky blond handcuffs him to the bedpost.


"Yes sir." Agent Stroker replies shamefully.


"You are an idiot Stroker. The fact that you keep allowing these women to best you sickens me. No more sausage," he instructs the skanky blond. "Fetch the cottage cheese."


Agent Stroker squirms with great discomfort as he knows of Master Stern's many strange fetishes. He fervently hopes that he will be dismissed before Howard requests the Icy/Hot and a waffle iron.


"No matter, you are momentarily relieved of duty. You leave me no other option. I must resort to our secret weapon if these girls are to ever be tamed. You are obviously incompetent to accomplish such a task."


Agent Stroker gasps. "Not the Secret Weapon! Surely things can't be that dire!"


"Yes, it is time we taught these girls a lesson. Prepare the Secret Weapon immediately."


"Yes Master Stern, as you wish." Agent Stroker replies reluctantly and slinks off to perform for his Master like a well-trained monkey.


"How about that Icy/Hot?" He asks the skanky blond.


"Right here Master, do you wish me to fetch the waffle iron as well?"


"Of course, slave, and hurry." As his slave rushes to do his bidding Howard chuckles to himself. He can't wait to order Spaced and Clever Girl to fulfill his every sick, food related fantasy. He might even bring out the eggs and corned beef hash for such a special occasion. He could not possibly fail once Stroker released his Secret Weapon.


What is Howard Stern's 'Secret Weapon?' Will our heroines survive this next attack? Will Simon Delivers cut Howard from their route? Tune in next time for the exciting adventures of Spaced Girl Hero and Clever Girl Assassin.

Revenge of the Dick...Continued...

We last left our stuper gals at the Liffey, embroiled in a Mexican stand-off between good and evil. Clever Girl has just stolen the show when Spaced Girl Hero busts in...


"EASY KILLER!!!" Spaced shouts to Clever Girl who is eagerly choosing which man she wishes to paddle first.


"Don't forget that there are two of us here you glory hound." She remarks with great disgust, pushing Clever Girl aside with her own large, gravity defying, heaving, rounded ivory flesh breasts. With a slight movement of her hands she wields both her faithful leather whip as well as her brand spanking new Cat 'O Nine Tails.


"Quit your whining and make yourself useful." Clever Girl snaps at her partner in crime-fighting as she tosses a Man-boy over her knees and paddles him mercilessly with her PADDLE O JUSTICE!


Spaced replies by rolling her eyes with great drama--


“I saw that you whore!”


Excuse me!! ::the Author interjects sternly:: Do you mind? I’m working here! As I was saying…


Rolling her eyes again, Spaced cracks her whip and Agent Stroker’s semi-automatic Testosterone Gun falls to the floor with a large clatter.


“Is that you Santa?” Benny slurs, his eyes blood shot from the bifters and pint after pint of the Black Stuff.


Terror fills Agent Stroker as he realizes that he is helpless without his testosterone and he desperately searches for an escape route. With practiced ease, Spaced picks up a chair, throws it at him, and knocks him down onto his knees. Straddling him she lashes him with her Cat O Nine Tails as he begs for mercy.


Meanwhile, Clever Girl spies a Man-boy escaping the bar and she pursues him in order to inflict upon him the punishment she knows he must deserve...

Spaced Girl Hero--Stuperhero Extraordinaire

My Alter Ego

When I’m not fighting crime and punishing naughty evil-doers, I am Raven Ridesemraw, Witch. I spend most of my days in my secret Attic Lair located in the tallest tower of the Fortress of Sanity, casting spells, concocting potions, and formulating wicked curses to use against those who owe a Karmic Debt to the Universe. In between rituals to the Dark Goddess Kali and supplications to Quan Yin, the Goddess of Mercy and Compassion, I am usually engrossed in one of my books on Witchcraft and Magic. But when the Bitch Light shines I am Spaced Girl Hero Stuperhero Extraordinaire. Dressed in black leather pants and my stuper sexy silk tank top with my trusty whip at my side I’m ready to tame wild and unruly Man-boys and keep Howard Stern from spreading his insidious brand of misogyny all over the earth.

How I met Clever Girl

During a stint in the Looney Bin, I was trapped in a cage like room sporting one of those fashionable jackets with the sleeves in the back—purple, after all being insane is no excuse for poor fashion sense. Using my lithe yoga-toned body I slipped out of the straight jacket and went to the door. Hearing no one on the other side I pulled out a bobby pin from my long black tresses and picked the lock. I ran frantically for the exit and when I turned to look behind me there was an earth shattering crash and a blinding flash of light as I collided with Brigitte Bleuballer, rocket scientist, who was fleeing from a vile man-woman with a lust for power. Our stupendous stuperpowers were activated in that moment and we’ve been fighting crime and punishing evil doer’s together every since.

What About Benny

As we ran together towards freedom we heard a doctor’s voice in the hall, “Well, Benny, I don’t know what to tell you. It seems that you’re not depressed at all, you’re just British.” Seeing his rotating head and vibrating ears, we couldn’t resist and rescued him on our way out. Now he is our number one adoring fan and our bifter smoking British sidekick, not to mention Captain Jack’s arch nemesis.


Ravs and Favs


Book: 100 and 1 Ways to Tease Your Lover

Food: A Brad and Orlando Sandwich

Music: Metal/Alternative

Bands: The Dead Milkmen, Flogging Molly, Incubus, Disturbed, the Violent Femmes, System of a Down

Weapon: My trusty black leather whip

TV: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Weakness: Bright, shiny things

Movie: Kill Bill

Insult: Wanker, You’re some can of piss.

Sexual Position: Doggy Style



Fetishes

Whips

Chains

Whipped cream

Boy-toys

Anything that vibrates

As Brigitte Bleauballer (my less than stuper alter-ego) I’m an all-work and no-play rocket scientist. Working in an underground top-secret facility (close to the very bowels of the earth) I bide my time until both my identities will merge creating possibly the sexiest most dangerous weapon in the world. With wild red curls piled atop my head and held in place by numerous pens and pencils (leaving a sparse pocket protector in my long white lab coat) I assume the role ‘Mad scientist’. But…. By night I am Clever Girl Assassin. Outfitted with hot-pink leotards and a high-tech holster holding my many secret weapons and gadgets I patrol the night skies looking to protect and punish… my trusty Paddle O’ Justice at my side.


How I met Spaced Girl Hero:
During one of my many unjust incarcerations in the loony bin, I bumped into Raven Ridesemraw. I was being held for questioning by a militant man-woman with a wicked sense of style and a lust for sadistic pleasures when I realized I was still wearing my Gadgo-bra - which was equipped with my ever-handy ‘liquidifier’. Nonchalantly reaching between my billowing breasts I find the flip switch and activate it turned myself into a puddle of pinkish liquid where I was able to sloosh under the door and make my getaway. Once back in my supple form I ran down the long corridor leading to freedom when suddenly there was a loud CLASH and blinding flash of light as we collided. Dazed and confused we suddenly realized that something strange had happened…. To our amazement we discovered we had activated Stuperhero powers within us.


Who is Captain Jack?
During a highly dangerous experiment with ultra-hyper violet blue gas a stray Cockatoo came whizzing down the hall to my lab. Before I could react it flew straight into the hyper-ray. With just enough fight to let out an ear piercing ‘Squawk’ it crash-landed into a puddle of retro viral DNA sludge. Now featherless and missing an eye I couldn’t resist its unquestionable appeal (or the horror of it all). Together Spaced and I nursed it back to health giving it the name Captain Jack and a rhinestone studded eye patch to cover the gaping hole.



Raves and Favs

Book: Jean-Pierre Vigier and the Stochastic Interpretation of Quantum Mechanics

Food: Yogurt covered nuts....mmmm nuts...

Music: Punk/Alternative

Bands: Trip Shakespeare, Scissor Sisters, Green Day, Flogging Molly

Weapon: Cappuccino Maker of Death

TV: SG-1--Daniel Jackson, Jack O'Neil and Teal'C...Oh Yeah!

Weakness: Shoes and that high pitch girl shreek of Howard's

Gadget: Disguesemator

Movie: Shaun of the Dead

Fetishes:
Spanking
Paddling
Calamine Lotion
Breaking their will
Pink
Flowers
Plaster

Personal Quote: "On your knees boys!"

Due to the overwhelming amount of emails BEGGING (We do so love it when you beg) us to post the rest of this adventure ASAP, here it is:


Episode Five: Revenge of the Dick Part 2

The day is waning and the duo find themselves in the grips of a very unfriendly situation. Agent Dick Stroker, the right hand man of the vilest Man-boy ever, Howard Stern, has tracked them down and it is a Mexican stand off between good and evil.


Turning to face him Spaced Girl Hero whips her long black hair around and places her right hand on the whip at her sleek black leather clad hip. "Wanker," she purrs with a flick of her head, and with a slight tip of her chin she captures him in her mesmerizing gaze. "What makes a Man-boy like you think you can tame a bitch like me?"


"Forgot about those damn eyes eh? Like the bottom of hell itself... I always thought" Benny flicks a roach to the ground, hops on top crushing it into the dark wood of the bar room floor. Hopping up to the bar he orders another Irish whiskey. "A bloody shame really, too damn easy if you ask me."


"She's NOTHING! If it's power you boys came to see, why not take a gander over at me." Clever Girl trills over the sound of the awed crowd. And with the slightest of movements Clever Girl springs to the top of a bar table brandishing her all impressive PADDLE O’ JUSTICE!


"Cake or Death... boys" she coos, blowing a kiss toward Agent Dick Stroker who is still lost in Spaced Girl's hypnotic gaze, his grip loosening on his semiautomatic testosterone gun.


With an ear-piercing crack of thunder Clever Girl slaps the hard pink leather paddle against her thigh. At once the men come to, seeing Clever Girl for the very first time. Seeing her, her gravity defying breasts, her rock hard abs, her ass like a cherry…. so pink….. so round….


"Simple minds, all mine to tame.”


What oh what will our sexy stuperheroes do next? Tune in next time for the continuing saga of 'Revenge of the Dick.'

Revenge of the Dick Part 1

Tune in good citizens as our stuper crime fighting gals have just been reunited at the Liffey...

"It's about damn time woman! What are you, the U.S. Cavalry, comin’ in when the battle’s almost over? Don't tell me you had to stop and tame a pack of wild shoes again; you've already used that excuse once this week. And Benny, I'm disappointed in you, it's your job to keep Clever Girl on track when I'm not around."


"Ask me bollocks Spaced, a bloke’s gotta be dog wide when this coppertop spots a shoe sale. I’m too bloody fond of me ears to lose them when Clever Girl ‘as a go at me. All the birds say it's all about me ears you know."


To demonstrate, Benny signals the waitress by vibrating his ears wildly and she is instantly drawn to him.


"Why what big vibrating ears you have." She says with appreciation as she strokes them.


"All the better to pleasure you with me dear." He purrs.


"I get off at two, you should come find me then."


"It's a date baby." He replies, lighting up a bifter before ordering an Irish whiskey.


"Benny, what the hell are you doing? Where do you think we are, Amsterdam? Put that out."


Reluctantly Benny extinguishes the bifter. "Jaysus Spaced, you don’t have to make a holy show of it. What is it with you and Amsterdam anyway? We get it, it's legal there, lay off already!"


“Will you talk some sense into this git?” Spaced asks Clever Girl who has been too busy admiring her new Prada’s to follow the conversation.


But before she can reply, agent Dick Stroker suddenly bursts into the bar. "Ah-hah! I have you in my clutches, surrender yourselves to me now! Resistance is futile!" He exclaims dramatically, pulling his semiautomatic Testosterone Gun from his trench coat and pointing it right at our stuperheroes.


Great Goddess good citizens, how will our heroes get out of this conundrum????? Tune in next time dear readers, to the chilling conclusion to this tale!

Episode Four:: Reunited!


We left Spaced Girl Hero at the Liffey, getting bolloxed on the bevvies.

Meanwhile……..

Benny hops into his customized holster strapped securely to Clever Girl’s back. “This is so damn embarrassing.” He moans.

“Perk up little bunny, there is more to be worried about. We still have to find Spaced Girl Hero and rescue her from the clutches of evil.”

“Why, did the Evangelical Christians try their brainwashing ray on her again?” Benny asks as Clever Girl launches into the air, heading towards the spot where she last heard Spaced Girl Hero’s desperate cry for help.

“As far as I can tell she is nowhere to be found, and yet the Bitch Light still shines brightly. Where is Spaced? Where oh where could she be…..cough cough…oh goddess I gotta quit smoking!” Circling the sky Clever Girl spots the Liffey below and decides to whet her whistle.

“NOOOO!” Benny screams over the sound of the rushing wind. “Must resist the call of BEVVIES!!”

“Just a drink Benny, I’ve got cotton mouth something fierce.” Clever Girl wheezes as she lands perfectly on the pavement outside their favorite Irish pub. “My stuperpowers are tingling; I sense Spaced is close at hand.”

Walking into the candlelit pub Clever Girl spots Spaced at their table surrounded by a pack of Man-boys. “You WHORE!!” She yells, running up to her partner in stuper crime fighting.

“Spaced, how did you get here?” Clever Girl cries, throwing her arms around her fellow stuperhero, knocking a desperate looking bloke off of the bar stool next to Spaced in the process. “I was just about to come find you!”

Now that our stuperheroes have been reunited, what weird and wacky adventures will they get into next??? Tune in again next time good citizens to The Adventures of Spaced Girl Hero and Clever Girl Assassin!!!