Stuperheroes

After a harrowing limo ride--Clever Girl decided that the limo driver was not moving a speed appropriate to a stuperhero so she shoved him out of the way and took over--our stuperheroes arrive at the Penthouse of Objectification. With a piercing

HEE-YA!

Spaced Girl Hero kicks open the door to Howard’s pad.

KA-POW!

The door crumbles like a cookie due to her stuperhero strength.

“Hello Howie! We’re ba-ack!” She yells triumphantly as she and Clever Girl step over the pile of rubble that used to be his front door.

“And we've brought presents!” Clever Girl exclaims cheerfully as she drags Remy into Howard’s living room. He stirs a bit, looking as though he is about to vomit yet again, and Clever Girl drops him to the floor with great revulsion. “You’d better not rupe on my brand new Prada’s or little old Howie here will be the least of your woes.” She threatens.

He responds by rolling his eyes back into his head and passing out again and Clever Girl snickers. “What a hunk, can I be your girlfriend?” She asks sarcastically as she steps over his body.

“This is inconceivable!” Howard stutters from his heart shaped bed where his slave is throwing slices of pepperoni onto his naked body. “How did you foil my Boy-droid?”

“Oh please, even if we weren’t stuperheroes we could have figured out your oh-so-obvious evil plot. Unlike men, we won’t fuck anything that moves.” Spaced responds, plucking Remy from the floor and throwing him onto the bed. “Nevertheless, as you have gifted us with such a luscious boy toy, we felt obligated to bring you a little gift of our own.”

“Is he even alive?” Howard asks, pinching his nose to alleviate the foul stench emanating from 93X’s most evil DJ.

“Yes he is, and he’s all yours.” Spaced says as she straps Remy securely to the bed with the leather belts and chains connected to the pulleys above Howard’s bed.

Despite the foul stench and corpse-like appearance of the Man-boy our stuperheroes have brought him, Howard decides he will do. Beggars can’t be choosers and Howie sure did like to beg.

Spaced Girl Hero and Clever Girl Assassin lace their arms through those of their newly reprogrammed boy toy, leaving Howard to his gift. Though we will not go into detail over what transpired that evening in the Penthouse of Objectification we will simply say that when Remy awoke the next morning, still chained to the bed, he didn’t feel 'quite right' down there…


Meanwhile, at the G-spot...

(Gangsta rap kickin' it in the background.)

“S’up dawg?” Rap Master Buttcrack asks Poof Poofy Poof upon entering Poof’s mansion, called the G-Spot.

“Frizzle shanizzle spizzle, homeskillet. How ‘bout them bitches, nazzle dazzle?” Poof asks.

“Dawg we busted out old school style on them bitches, saying ‘you’d better recognize,’ but they weren’t down wit that.”

“Playa I should bust a cap in your ass fo' being so dumb. Dizzle nizzle bitch, you ain’t no better than a ho.” Poof whines as he pours himself some Gin and Juice. “Roll me up a blunt G, I need some chronic.”

As Rap Master Buttcrack prepares the blunt The Asswipe Assassin arrives. “What’s up dawgs and homefries? Did we get them snizzle snazzle bitches or what?”

“Naw, they busted to the wild side.” Buttcrack says as he finishes up the blunt.

“Damn dawg, what we gotta do, put a slug in those skeezers?” Asswipe comments as he hits the blunt hard.

“Chill out dawgs, we just gotta get stupid with these hoodrats.” Poof says with a lung full of Chronic. “We just gotta be flossin’ for a while, till we break off somethin’ new. We’ll get those bitches or my name ain’t Poof Poofy Poof of Frigid Puddin'. Snizzle my nizzle!"

With every puff the room grows greener and greener, gradually enveloping Poof and his posse in a haze of smoke.

Will Poof and his peeps ever stop smoking the Chronic long enough to foment another plan? Will our stuperheroes be so busy with their luscious boy toy that Poof may actually have a chance to blindside them? Tune in next time to the continuing Adventures of Spaced Girl Hero and Clever Girl Assassin.