Stuperheroes

While Spaced Girl Hero is at the Liffey, vainly attempting to blot from her mind the images of Dick Cheney and George W. Bush dressed as characters for the Rocky Horror Picture Show Clever Girl is preparing herself for different prey.

Having heard that Eminem, AKA Slim Shady, AKA Marshall Mathers, is in LA shooting a new video, Clever Girl has decided that she needs a new toy.

But how to get to him?

It is a conundrum and our luscious stuperhero sits sipping a Mimosa and twirling her long red tresses around one finger trying to solve it.

Eureka!!

"I've got it!" She exclaims, running for her Closet 'O Gadgets. Digging around among her many creations Clever Girl triumphantly pulls out the Disguisamator.

Flying furiously towards LA, with her Disguisamator concealed in her Gadgo-Bra, Clever Girl ponders which disguise to use.

50 Cent?
Proof?
Kim?

Ah-ha!!!! The perfect disguise to give her unrestricted access to the little muff puff of her dreams..... Ms. Bextrom, his 9th grade teacher, a terrible and gruesome figure that to this day reaches out to him from the long dark hallways of his memory, constantly reminding him of the three years he spent trying to pass the 9th grade.

Now, our stuperhero only has to concentrate to conjure the image of the wicked and wretched woman to activate the Disguisamator.

Concentrating hard she imagines the blue hair, the sharp pointed teeth, the flaking paper thin skin that threatens to fall off at any moment, the hand knitted shawl that smells terribly of mothballs and vermouth.

Yes!!! This day would be hers!!!

Oh...KFC!!!!!

Poof!

Clever Girl is now a.....5'5" orange and yellow chicken.

"Perfect, I....cluck...brock...brock....CHICKEN!?!?!"

"What the hell?!?!" She screams to an unjust world....

If only she hadn't craved that crispy country fried chicken...damn that last bifter and the incessant cravings!

Landing just behind his trailer she pecks at the ground wondering....where is the seed corn....

"No! I must concentrate!" The Disguisamator....She realizes suddenly, or as suddenly as a walnut brained chicken can, she must turn herself back and start again... but where is it? Searching her feathers she realizes that it is gone.

Not wanting to delay and lose her chance at the sweet little boy and remembering the vat of calamine lotion she has waiting for him back at the Fortress of Sanity she plunges forward.

Rapping on the door to the trailer the Chicken formerly known as Clever Girl bellows, "KFC!"

"Oooh!" With a girlish squeal Marshall flings open the door and motions Clever Girl to come in. "My favorite!"

As he digs through his wallet to pay the supposed delivery chicken Clever Girl sizes up her prey. He's a bit scrawny so she doesn't expect him to put up much of a fight. She is not proven wrong.

Pushing him back out into the road and tucking him gingerly under wing..she leaps towards the sky.....

AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

"Damn, chickens can't flyyyyyyyyyy!" Clever Girl vaguely remembers.

How is our luscious stuperhero to get out of this conundrum? Tune in next time, Good Citizens for the continuation of this tale.....

Clever Girl Assassin has finally tired of the Travis-bot and has moved on to prepare for different prey--to be detailed in the next episode.

But for now.....

Spaced Girl Hero straddles the Travis Bot, riding him furiously into the sunset....

"Travis, Ohhhhhhhhhhh Travis yes...."


"Spaced Girl.... Ohhhhhhh..... Oooohhhh Yes! Yes! Yes!"  Then, much to Spaced Girl’s horror, her worst nightmare comes true and with one last moan the boy toy goes limp. 


"Travis! No Travis! Walk away from the light!"  Spaced cries with a mournful sob. The Travis Bot has been drained of his essence from days and days and days of carnal lust.  She collapses on top of him, heartbroken, frantically searching her mind for a solution to this dilemma. 


“Batteries!” She exclaims.  “He runs on batteries, I just need to recharge him!"  Excited at the thought of having her boy toy freshly lubed AND recharged she jumps off him and opens up the tiny control panel in his left buttock.


On the battery there is a sticker that reads:  "In case my plan is foiled this Boy-droid will only have 72 hours of power.  Once the power is drained you must recharge him, and I am the only one with the ability to do so.  HA!  Even when you think you have won, still I triumph!"


A rageful scream erupts from Spaced as she realizes that Happy Happy Fun Time is now over.  Glass shatters in every window for miles as her scream reverberates through the air. 

Then…


(The sound of inspiration striking our stuperhero)


"Eureka!"  She cries, having found a solution!  "I know what it is that I must do!  To the Penthouse of Objectification!" 


Taking flight she streaks through the air with a sonic boom in search of a way to recharge her favorite stuper luscious toy.

Sailing high above the darkened city streets, Spaced Girl Hero plans all the ways in which she will torture Howie in order to force him to recharge her beloved toy. Suddenly, she is distracted by bright flashing lights below.
 
SPECIAL VIEWING, ONE NIGHT ONLY! The Rocky Horror Picture Show  


Though she loved the movie-something about Tim Curry in a garter belt with those big red lips really did something for her but, alas, we love her anyway-she had never seen it at the theatre.
 
Well, she thinks to herself, I could probably use a bit to calm down. I wouldn’t want to go all Van Helsing on poor Howie before he reveals how to recharge Travis.
 
Having made up her mind she swoops down into the crowd of crazed fans, wishing she had some toast. For once her black leather stuperhero outfit and whip do not attract her much attention, what with all these men dressed as Dr. Frank-N-Furter and all. As she walks into the theatre, one of them strides past her pulling along a man on a leash dressed as Rocky. They are old, way too old to be wearing such little clothing, and their sagging flesh is quite disturbing to behold. They seem familiar to Spaced but before she can figure out why they lost in the throng of people flocking in to see their favorite cult classic for like the 300th time.

Settling into a seat in the back of the theatre she is soon lost in the music.
 
(Dr. Frank-N-Furter singing)

“I’m just a sweet transvestite…from Transexual, Transylvania.  Hit it! Hit it!”
 
Watching Tim Curry glide across the screen, gyrating, thrusting, and slapping himself on the ass, Spaced Girl Hero is enthralled. This was her absolute favorite part!
 
Suddenly, a man jumps onto the stage in front of the screen, pulling his ‘pet’ Rocky on a leash. It’s those men she had seen earlier, and they are blocking her view damn it!

About to shoot onto the stage and go all Commando on their asses she recognizes one of the men. The one dressed as Dr. Frank-N-Furter. Her jaw drops open with shock and for the first time in recorded history our stuperhero is speechless! Quickly her eyes dart to the man on the leash and she recognizes him instantly.
 
She is frozen for several minutes from the trauma of the sight before her and is quite sure she will be scarred for life. Never again will she be able to watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show without seeing Vice President Dick Cheney in heels, a garter belt, black bodice and pearls strutting across the stage pulling President George W. Bush on a leash!!
 
Fleeing the theatre, desperately trying to shake the horrific image from her mind, her long black hair trails behind her as she heads for the Liffey. After seeing that, she needed a pint! Or Twelve! Once she was sufficiently knackered, she would pay a visit to Howie and see about pumping life back into her Travis…