Stuperheroes

While Clever Girl Assassin is foostering about, doing Goddess knows what; a desperately lonely Captain Jack paces back and forth on his perch at the Fortress of Sanity squawking “Fuck off, ya bastards!” Meanwhile, our former damsel in distress now sits comfortably at the Liffey wondering what the hell happened to Clever Girl Assassin and their pint size vibrating British friend….

“Soon I learned that bricks and stones won’t drive the Brits away…it wasn’t long before I joined the IRA….”

Sitting at the table reserved for our favorite stuperheroes in front of the stage where the Wild Colonial Bhoys sing Irish songs of rebellion Spaced Girl Hero lights a cigarette and briefly wishes she were in Amsterdam. As she sits perched on a stool she sips her pint of Guinness and chuckles quietly to herself. Her black leather stuperhero leotard with her whip firmly lashed to her hip attracts a lot of attention as a crowd of Man-boys flock around her, begging to be dominated. She smiles a coy smile and tosses her raven tresses over her shoulder before telling them to fuck off. She giggles as they slink away like whipped dogs, knowing they will return before the evening is over. No man can resist her mesmerizing black eyes—and we mean that literally as mesmerizing men with those beautiful eyes is one of her stuperpowers. Singing along to the music her mind wanders….

“I can’t believe Clever Girl is still looking for me, she’s killed off one too many brain cells with all those bifters. Of course, apparently I have too seeing as how I sat on that damn outcropping of stone halfway between the Seventh Circle of Hell and the Denny’s on Third for three days before I realized I could just fly my ass out. Knowing Clever Girl, she probably took a detour to buy some shoes and forgot all about little ‘ol me. Well, we’ll just see how long it takes her to find me once she realizes I’ve stolen her Cappuccino Maker of Death!"

Will Clever Girl figure out that Spaced has rescued herself, or is she too busy bitching about having to eat take out to notice? Tune in next time, good citizens for the next installment of this story.

Episode 2.5 The Rescue of Spaced Girl Hero


We last left Clever Girl Assassin at the Denny's on third, facing the horrifying idea of Take-Out


GASP!


Dropping her head into her hands Clever Girl is definitely shaken. "And do you wanna know the worst part Benny?" she says, looking up with her big green eyes. "I almost started biting my nails I'm so worried!!"

GASP!


Crushing out his cigarette Benny blows a large puff of smoke into the air and right at Clever Girl.

Cough! Cough! Gasp! Wheeze! Gasp!

Obviously annoyed she says "Really Benny, can't you quit?" in that accusing smart-assy kinda way.


"Actually gingernut," he purrs in his soft, low, sexy voice; the kind that just vibrates your ears. "Go fuck yourself." He smirks, giving his pearls a twist.


Just then the waitress appears with their drinks. "Your tea, and for your...a...a...a..." the waitress stammers, staring straight at the two foot tall vibrator. "What are you?" She gasps, reaching out to touch his soft pliable surface.


Twisting a bit and twitching his ears, Benny blushes.


"You really are that good aren't you?" The waitress inquires, instantly warming to his obvious charm.


"Keep your Alans on." He remarks with a quick zip to hi.


Whhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrr


"I'll meet you later doll; until then give me two clubs with everything to go." Lighting a bifter he calmly awaits the storm.


"TO GO??" Clever Girl asks in obvious disgust. Reconsidering this tactic, she continues in a lower, calmer, sexier voice. "But my digestive system is a bit delicate and..."


"To go." Benny says with a quick wink to the waitress. "We have work to do and today we will put aside that work to save our most trusted friend and confidant. We must save her from the very depths of hell!"


"Who?" Clever Girl asks as she mindlessly sweetens her tea.


"CLEVER GIRL, YER AS USELESS AS TITS ON A BULL!"


"Oh yeah. " She teases in the same voice that got her the Ferrari 360 parked outside.


Tune in next time for the actual rescue of Spaced Girl Hero..........

Episode 2: Get With It Clever Girl!!!


A faint voice in the distance....


"Help....help......help....or I swear someone's gonna get a size seven up their......"


The Bitch Light shines brightly in the night sky. Somewhere in the distance a faint voice cries for help. The Denny's sign flickers brightly outside as Clever Girl Assassin sits waiting (not so patiently) for the arrival of Spaced Girl Hero and their Ever Ready Sidekick, Benny the Bunny Vibrator.

Dressed in her standard crime fighting gear (pink leather leotard and spiky six inch leather stiletto heels, Prada--only the best for this stuper crime fighter), this wild eyed redhead is all business.


Clever Girl Assassin is in an obvious state of turmoil. "What can I do Benny?" She asks of her pint size friend who hops up to their usual spot at the Denny's on Third. "I know Spaced Girl is in trouble but if we go to her just now-" :::pauses for dramatic effect::: "I'll have to eat TAKE OUT!"


GASP!


Will Clever Girl Assassin rescue Spaced Girl Hero, or will she languish perpetually in the Seventh Circle of Hell so Clever Girl can avoid her worst nightmare--Take-Out????

GASP!!!

Tune in next time, dear readers, for the continuation of this story.....

"SHIIIIIIIIIIIT!" Spaced wails with great shock and surprise as she steps right into the yawning abyss of evil and plummets helplessly towards her afterlife! "Curse that pretty fireflyyyyyyyyyyy! Why couldn't I have been entranced by the flickering of the DENNY'S SIIIIIIIIIIIIGN???!!!"


Spaced Girl Hero falls...and falls...and falls....and falls... "How deep is this damn thing anyway?" She mutters as she drops swiftly, her long, silky black hair that all the men adore streaming above her.


"Clever Girl, you whore! Where are yoooooooooooooooouuuuuuu?"


Can I open my eyes now? Okay then. Will Spaced Girl Hero be trapped in the fiery depths of the Seventh Circle of Hell, never to tempt us with her stuperhero lusciousness again? Will Clever Girl realize that Spaced never made it to the Denny's on Third or will Benny's steady supply of bifters cloud her mind? Won't someone call Lassie to get Timmy out of the well? Oops, sorry, wrong adventure series. Well good citizens, tune in next time for more thrills and chills with 'The Adventures of Spaced Girl Hero and Clever Girl Assassin.'

Episode One: A Firefly and a Terrible Fall

"La La La La La La" (sung to the tune of the Smurf song)

Spaced Girl Hero skips through the grassy meadow behind the Denny's on Third singing the Smurf song. Night has fallen and a firefly has distracted our sexy stuperhero and she has completely forgotten she was supposed to meet Benny and Clever Girl for late night munchies. Bright shiny things are to our stuperhero as kryptonite is to Stuperman, and she is rendered thoughtless and helpless by the invitingly brightly lit firefly.


Unable to see anything but that pretty firefly Spaced is unaware of the HUGE GAPING HOLE that lies directly in her path. The glow of hellfire illuminates the pit and smoke curls from the Seventh Circle of Hell as she ignorantly frolics directly towards the hole. I just can't watch!


:::Author winces and turns away from the scene she is recording:::



What will happen next? Tune in next time for the continuation of this tale.....